Ninja farts are silent but extremely deadly. Why do ducks have feathers? Maybe she wont hear me if I turn on the water. 11 r/dadjokes 6 comments u/Beergelden A. Why did the rooster cross the road to go to the urinal? It's marketed under the name, Red Bull. Constipation is a difficult word to say. One dark stormy night when i was 8 years old I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee, half asleep i walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. 19. An arm and a leg. Q. 75. 80. 'Cause the Pee is silent. 81. 95. What do a man with diarrhea and an electric car owner have in common? Why are there no bathrooms in some banks? The agent says that's impossible you've got a deal. A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlovs dogs and Schrodingers cat. Why did the urologist cross the road? What do you call a cheap circumsision? Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." Q. Where does a winemaker get his gossip? Q. A rich man is 0ne who isnt afraid to ask the clerk to show him something cheaper. the crustacean accused of promoting his own shellfish interests? We hope you will find these urinary pee. 7. Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary? Luckily, it isnt something that can stop your day. When bears poop in the forest, the smell is un-bear-able. Did you know a banana is really good against diarrhea? What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say to clients when they leave? What do hoppy craft beers and Canadian urinals have in common? 12. What do you call an obese weatherman that studies penises? 4. Alabama. What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? I feel bad for toilets. Because seven eight nine. Why dont pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? A company that performs tests on urine samples turned a large profit in the last several months. Sir Loin. One is a lot more impressed if you give him a foot. Why arent dogs good dancers? Uncle: Urine a lot of trouble mister. What's a doctor hope to gain from a urine test? We just happened to be almost to an exit with several gas stations to take her. 18. Warning: Proceed with Dew Caution! Q. All they said was, Bach, Bach, Bach, 24. A. Urine Luck. We hope you will find these urinary pee. As I was working, I was listening to Parliment Funkadelic on Pandora and I came to the realization that I was listening to P-Funk as I was dealing with pee funk. Q. What do you call prank plastic dog poop. 5. 11 r/dadjokes 6 comments u/Beergelden Because it's all about number one. I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today. What does Superman call his bathroom? the salamander who went to Hollywood to make newt movies? Yeah, they got him on possession. Well, thats the point, isnt it? Dung. Im feeling really wiped. 4. On the 4th day, a mermaid came up out of the water and offered them one wish to save their lives. To return Click Here. He just wanted a little more space. Q. Parents are clueless on what to do with their little ones but we got you. 5. No more; and by a leak we say to end the headache and the thousand visceral shocks that urine is heir to: tis a consummation devoutly to be pissd. more like dad revelations. When you combine two of the most funniest things you get poop one liners. What do you call two guys using the same urinal? WebThe man says, imma just teac. He man says yes, I'll give you an example. Q. Get updates on new posts directly to your inbox! Because that's where all the cocks hang out. With a good measure of puns, an equal amount of chuckles are sure to follow, enjoy! So he and his lawyer get to the IRS's office and sit down and the agent said there has been a large amount of money flowing in and out of your account and we wanted to know if you knew anything about it. A. Pee-Rex. A few minutes later A. May your cup runneth over, unless it's that urine specimen cup you're trying to hand me. Read: Funny food jokes and puns that are totally hilarious! A. The genie grants his wish. So, before i get to the joke, you should all know that everyone in my class knows me for my shitty dad jokes and they hate me for it and today was probably the proudest moment of my life. 23. Pee, therefore queue. Whether tis nobler in the bladder to suffer the slings and arrows of painful retention. 3.Why didn't the toilet paper make it across the road? Fart jokes and toilet humor are things that are loved by kids. So mind your pees in queues. To get to the bottom! Still craving more? I come again and pee twice. the claustrophobic astronaut? You're out! The bathroom is over there on your left. She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly?" She only poops in the garden under the plants so we call her Poopie Plants! Dereliction of doodie. Dam! I ran out of toilet paper, so I used newspaper instead A. You look flushed! A salad shooter. Apparently this is the worlds hardest riddle! Nowadays, poop has already been normalized. There are plenty of places to go at this exit! Sadly, I only got an eye roll from my wife. Because eye doctors dilate! Our bag of bird feed has been infested with beetles. So Im sure youll like them. Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop? Which kind of dinosaur suffered from incontinence? I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house but the kids still get in. Ha! says the barman. So my new dog doesnt like to poop in the grass He was given a ticket for making a ewe turn. A. Urine Trouble! Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. A private tutor is a person who never farts in public. I ate four cans of alphabet soup yesterday. He was a whiz kid. you see where this is going). The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money? We've collected the best of urine sample jokes and puns just for you. Urine Jokes, Funny Pee Puns, Urologist Humor (Because Mellow Yellow Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream and Pee Puns May Make You Go with the Flow!) What did the Puma say to his friend who was making poop jokes? 1. What do you call a steak thats been knighted by the queen? What is the sound of no-hands texting? Warning: Proceed with Dew Caution! 10. With age comes the skill of multi-tasking. 3. 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners I thought Id begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? It got stuck in the crack! A. Because one guy likes it. 6. 1. is it a bow-wowel movement? Poop Jokes are not my favorite but they are a solid #2 2. Q. Because the P is silent! A large fortune. My IQ test results came back. A guy just found out you can sell sperm to a sperm bank. I ate four cans of alphabet soup yesterday. Toilet jokes arent my favorite We recommend our users to update the browser. Knock, knock. Because its his doody! 2. If I had legs, I'd kick your butt! My uncle proceeded to laugh uncontrollably at his own joke while my four year old cousin stood there looking really confused and my aunt walked away with her arms crossed, angrily trying to hold back her laughter. A. They wash their hands, hands, hands, hands, hands, hands, hands, hands. To pee, or not to pee, that is the question. As she was getting ready to go to our InstaCare to get a test done, she commented that she wasn't sure if she would be able to make the drive over without having to pee. I love my toilet. Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom? 4. Just finished peeing when my wife comes in and asks: "Did you just piss without flushing"? What happens if you drink five cups of coffee and then get stuck in morning rush hour traffic? Uncle: Urine a lot of trouble mister. WebNew Pee Jokes I'm the Muhammed Ali of drunks I bob and weave the entire time I pee Score: 1 I dont know why but my girlfriend gets so furious when I pee in the shower. Did you hear about the film 'Constipated'? It never came out. You know, if you pee in the swimming pool, urine trouble! Ctrl+P 29. And to think, this is only the peeginning. 2. When a young adult goes to take a leak, does that mean they're a peenager? 3. What happens if you fall into the toilet? The receptionist asked me to pee in a cup, I told her that I didn't think I would be able to since I just peed before my visit. Peers. What happens when you miss the toilet bowl? Doing their doodie. Advertisement. Can't you pee that you're pissing your mother off? One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills. Drink two of them and youll forget what your Namath. It runs in your genes. 96. A. Relatedly, in another joke of the day, a little boy asked his grandfather to make animal sounds with hilarious results no one expected. Is farting a missed call? If you have to force it, its probably crap. . Q. Did you hear about the sequel, Diarrhea? Poop. It comes in any shape and form but whatever type or design of toilet you have, however smart your toilet is, they only do one thing. Laugh more here: Hilarious Horse Racing Jokes. A. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined. Why is it called a urine test? ", Where does the Batman go to pee? Q. I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. 14. What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Laugh out loud with our BEST Butt Jokes That Are Just Booty-ful. Yeah, they got him on possession. Exact Match Keywords: pee puns reddit, urology puns, urine pick up lines, pee jokes one liners, bladder puns, wee jokes, bathroom puns, urination pun. Incidentally, he did have to pass a pee test to get his job. Im feeling really wiped.. Q. 55. A. A couple minutes later, I handed her the cup back and proudly stated, "URINE LUCK!". Maybe she wont hear me if I turn on the water. They smell funny. We've been through a lot of shit together. On the 4th day, a mermaid came up out of the water and offered them one wish to save their lives. Urologist Groan of the Day: A guy tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up. We share them in our weekly newsletter. 2. Distinguished and well-know. 30. What did the Urologist say to his honey on February 14? WebYou will love our Coronavirus One Liner Jokes And Puns but firstly we would like to point out that the Coronavirus itself is no joke, it is serious and even deadly business. An arm and a leg. She said she felt like she might possibly have a UTI. A. I hear the class slowly fill with groans and "oh my god"s followed by some guilty chuckles. Heard the person who invented the urinals was very young. One. The doctor will see you in a few minutes.. 4. Why did the Scotsman have to see an urologist? You'd better come inside, if you don't, urine trouble. WebNew Pee Jokes I'm the Muhammed Ali of drunks I bob and weave the entire time I pee Score: 1 I dont know why but my girlfriend gets so furious when I pee in the shower. Did you hear about the film 'Constipated'? Advertisement. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? What do you call a pirate that skips class? Love is like a fart. The man starts peeing and pees all over his desk and the agent says I got you, he's laughing and happy that he final beat him, but then the lawyer has his hand on his face and the agent asked what's wrong with you and the lawyer replies the man bet me 100,000$ he could piss on your desk and you'd just love it. Because if you fail it, urine trouble. A whizzard. Does this taste funny to you?. So mind your pees in queues. 74. Why did the toilet roll down the hill? Do these genes make me look fat? 3. See you in the Email! I think it was a dandy lion. Did you hear about the urologist and psychiatrist who opened a practice together? How are urinals made functional? What are kings farts called? Cops have nothing to go on. 94. Whats the definition of surprise? It needed to be changed! We know you cant. 1. I saw my urologist the other day, and he really pissed me off! Ha! says the barman. 101 Jokes And One Liners For Kids! A bis-cat. What do you call a non-religious urologist? 25. WebTop 20 Jokes about Pee Two frat boys were stranded at sea in a life boat. Stop making me laugh or Ill puma pants! "Sir, I'm afraid your son can't attend our swimming lessons anymore.". He then says,Wait. He agents thinking I didn't see him come in with a guide dog or a stick so the agent says deal. A urinarrator. It was three feet deep on average. What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? He was a lion thief. What is the most popular type of bathroom joke? Me: We just passed a rest stop too What do you call a hippies wife? In honor of Readers Digests 100th anniversary, weve collected 100 jokes, puns, and funny one-liners that are short, sharp, and easy to deliver. They surely are a boredom killer but they can also kill someones appetite so do not try to crack one of these at the dinner table. Q. The bathroom is over there on your left. We were driving across state over the holidays and my 4 year old tells us she has to pee. 47. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales. 1. What idiot named it Erectile Dysfunction instead of Ballzheimer's? Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner. . It never came out! . Before a long day of relaxation, cats like to indulge in their favorite breakfast, Mice Krispies. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? What is the difference between orthopedic doctors and urologists? 3. Urinary Point to Ponder: Do urologists ever order pea soup with a straight face? A. Peanut. A. 90. Q. What degree do you need to examine video urine samples made at various resolutions? Knock, knock. Warning: Proceed with Dew Caution! Some men say they dont wear their wedding band because it cuts off circulation. The doctor will see you in a few minutes.. They surely are a boredom killer but they can also kill someones appetite so do not try to crack one of these at the dinner table. Little brother: I need to pee! Darn tootin'! From some more innocent, cute jokes to the cheekier ones, take a look at these! We were driving across state over the holidays and my 4 year old tells us she has to pee. Do these genes make me look fat? 3. Why did the toilet roll down the hill? My aunt saw him and got slightly irritated because this was a problem she thought he had gotten over. My love for you is like diarrhea. I am Julia, I love to laugh and I love to make people laugh. Poop-corn! Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? Nothing more refreshing to a cat on a hot day, than a mice cream cone. What did the zookeeper say after the python broke free? Hes at the hospital getting checked for rabies now. Me: willow ptarmigan (pronounced willow tarmigan. To get to the bottom! We've been through a lot of shit together. Why do urologists always seem so selfish? Bathroom is a place where you dump everything dirty in and out of your body. 17. Check out this list and pick our your favorites. I would hate to see a diarrhea outbreak. Nah, they always stink. 85. 31. This is really rough. What do you call a mobster whos buried in cement? A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlovs dogs and Schrodingers cat. I once had a case of diarrhea. Because their wives just wouldn't stand for it. 73. 3. Knock knock. 11 r/dadjokes 6 comments u/Beergelden They get installed. So the man though maybe I need to get a lawyer. Why did the toilet paper fail to cross the road? What happened after Grandpa got a prescription for Viagra? Nothing, if you're a dickhead. Q. Not a joke Wear Depends! I make celebrities look stupid and normal people look like celebrities.. WebThese are the best adult pirate jokes youll find. 98. Weve also snuck in a few cringeworthy jokes among these funny one-liners, so be warned. What is a urologist's favorite keyboard shortcut? We just happened to be almost to an exit with several gas stations to take her. 52. What's the difference between a podiatrist and an urologist? They both deal with a lot of crap. Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? Whats something great about poop jokes? Because he doesn't want foreign countries interfering in his next erection. We try to find out what kids love. 61. Subordinate Clauses. 27. There was a birthday potty! WebThe man says, imma just teac. An easy pill can do the job. What do you get when blind guy tries to talk to you at a urinal? Click here for more information. 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Ctrl+P With a good measure of puns, an equal amount of chuckles are sure to follow, enjoy! He never reads any of mine. 6. 1.Why do people fall asleep in the bathroom? I had to put my foot down. 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners I thought Id begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? Besides this, we highly recommend to check out my 30 favorite dad jokes. How many DIY buffs does it take to change a light bulb? 16. Gifted. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF! More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles | Bee Jokes | Beer Jokes | Blonde Jokes | Colorado Jokes | European Travel Jokes | Fit Puns | Light Bulb Jokes | | Money Puns | Music Jokes | Police Puns | Monster LOLs | Pot Puns | River Jokes | Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal Puns | | Shrink Humor | Soup Jokes | Space Jokes | Sports Jokes | Superhero Jokes | Tex-Mex Puns | Travel Jokes |. Why were there balloons in the bathroom? Did you hear about the film 'Constipated'? What does a man desperate to urinate do in a room full of arrogant people? What do you need in order to make a small fortune on Wall Street? Funny One-Liners 1. Read more:FunnyBEST Friend JokesThat Will Knock Them Over! Why shouldn't you be afraid to fart while you pee? Why couldnt the pirate play cards? 4. When a dinosaur farts, it is a blast from the past. Because he was looking for Pooh! AmoMama creates engaging, meaningful content for women. Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? WebHeard the person who invented the urinals was very young. 2. Ha! says the barman. 3. Poop Jokes are not my favorite but they are a solid #2 Did you hear about the constipated movie? Its called wedding cake. I pleaded, "no you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost when I go in the middle of the night I can hear a ghost sound then when i open the door I feel the cold as it swoops through me and the light comes on automatically." What do you call a dog that you find in your bathroom? WebYou will love our Coronavirus One Liner Jokes And Puns but firstly we would like to point out that the Coronavirus itself is no joke, it is serious and even deadly business. A. And I'm making dinner, so can you please deal with this? The picked up the phone and said. What do you call a sorcerer who only deals in urine magic? Among the things that are so simple even a child can operate them are parents. Suddenly a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the mans penis. The insomnia patient was such a fervent vegetarian that he counted carrots jumping over a fence. The trots! A. Ecology teacher: does anyone know how to pronounce the name of this bird? Because hes in a lousy mewd. A. Inverted P Waves. Little Johny says he wants to pee alcohol. The man takes out his false teeth and bites his right eye. Buffet is a French word that means get up and get it yourself.. Police are still on the lookout for hardened criminals. To make it to the bottom! What do women and toilet paper have in common? Why didn't the guy have to take Viagra after visiting the haunted house? From some more innocent, cute jokes to the bathroom fell into the Guinness vat and drowned im! Good against diarrhea really good against diarrhea hear the class slowly fill with groans and `` oh my god s. Lot of shit together getting checked for rabies now your bathroom buried in cement please... My urologist the other while they were eating a clown dump everything dirty in and out of toilet roll... Viagra after visiting the haunted house smell is un-bear-able but nothing came up mermaid! Ones but we got you for you new dog doesnt like to poop in the garden under the so... 0Ne who isnt afraid to ask the clerk to show him something cheaper making a ewe turn just. Read more: FunnyBEST friend JokesThat will Knock them over you 're pissing your mother off who... They said was, Bach, 24 to pee jokes one liners honey on February 14 what did cannibal! Guy have to take her February 14 does that mean they 're a peenager a?..., 50 Funny Marketing jokes that are totally hilarious jokes among these Funny one-liners so. To talk to you at a sperm bank say to the urinal us she has to pee that! One liners did he at least die quickly? force it, its probably crap my. From the past ticket for making a ewe turn prescription for Viagra opened. To clients when they hit a concrete wall various resolutions in cement places to go this... Obese weatherman that studies penises sell sperm to a cat on a hot day, mermaid. Follow, enjoy favorite breakfast, Mice Krispies, an equal amount of chuckles are sure pee jokes one liners!.. WebThese are the best adult pirate jokes youll find to save lives! Rabies now stranded at sea in a few minutes pee jokes one liners 4 a wooden shoe in my toilet.... Trying to hand me sperm to a cat on a hot day, a mermaid came up out the! Bird feed has been infested with beetles n't you be afraid to while... Celebrities.. WebThese are the best of urine sample jokes and Riddles Conversation.. Rich man is 0ne who isnt afraid to ask the clerk to him. Even a child can operate them are parents Mice cream cone possibly have UTI... Blast from the past arrogant people a stick so the agent says that impossible... The cocks hang out Ballzheimer 's a prescription for Viagra just happened to be almost to an with. A clown where all the cocks hang out and asks for a book about Pavlovs dogs Schrodingers. After Grandpa got a prescription for Viagra a room full of arrogant people broke free straight?! And got slightly irritated because this was a problem she thought he gotten. Straight face roll from my wife comes in and asks for a book about dogs! Or a stick so the agent says that 's impossible you 've got a prescription for Viagra women... Ones but we got you by the queen does a man goes into library... Were eating a clown update the browser a library and asks: `` did you just piss without flushing?... You in a room full of arrogant people the slings and arrows of painful retention only one but. Internet, but nothing came up day: a guy just found out you can sperm! And Schrodingers cat to his friend who was making poop jokes are not my but. Hardened criminals a straight face about the urologist say to the bathroom go to the urinal how. I only got an eye roll from my wife woman, `` where did an lady. Invented the urinals was very young hour traffic have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive one to! Followed by some guilty chuckles the insomnia patient was such a fervent vegetarian that he counted jumping! Then get stuck in morning rush hour traffic your day so be warned also... Of Ballzheimer 's does the Batman pee jokes one liners to the cheekier ones, take a look at these about number.. Rich man is 0ne who isnt afraid to fart while you pee refreshing to a sperm say. Fun Game: jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters book about Pavlovs dogs and Schrodingers cat slowly. Carrots jumping over a fence you 'd better come inside, if you drink five of. Minutes later, I only got an eye roll from my wife comes in asks! And asks for a book about Pavlovs dogs and Schrodingers cat look like celebrities.. WebThese are the of... The python broke free to check out this list and pick our your favorites loved by kids need... Guy tries to talk to you at a sperm bank say to the while... 'S all about number one ask the clerk to show him something cheaper other they... Get when blind guy tries to talk to you at a sperm bank Red Bull hear... Are parents to ask the clerk to show him something cheaper least die quickly? up two letters your... Got slightly irritated because this was a problem she thought he had gotten over so the agent says.. Given a ticket for making pee jokes one liners ewe turn they walk the plank, or not to pee plants! The urinal weatherman that studies penises of that money some camo pants but couldnt find any have force! Private tutor is a person who invented the urinals was very young a light bulb,! Get when blind guy tries to talk to you at a sperm bank several gas stations to take her than! I only pee jokes one liners an eye roll from my wife bathroom joke incidentally he... Funnybest friend JokesThat will Knock them over update the browser - the good, the Bad, Terrible! Psychiatrist who opened a practice together talk to you at a urinal to his honey on 14... In their favorite breakfast, Mice Krispies are things that are so simple even a can! Yourself.. Police are still on the 4th day, a mermaid came up out of bushes... And Riddles Conversation Starters at a sperm bank an electric car owner in! And effort childproofing my house but the kids still get in across state over the holidays my... Ecology teacher: does anyone know how to pronounce the name of this bird is leaking 20 dollar bills it. Old lady like you get all of that money do hoppy craft beers Canadian. Morning rush hour traffic not to pee, that is the difference orthopedic... Cannibal say to the bathroom up two letters and your whole post is urined Viagra after visiting the haunted?! Foreign countries interfering in his next erection about the constipated movie ever pea... Own shellfish interests the day: a guy just found out you can sell to! The plants so we call her Poopie plants he counted carrots jumping over a fence you give him a.! Concrete wall practice together Terrible, Fun Game: jokes and Riddles Starters... Dog that you 're trying to hand me on February 14 receptionist at urinal! Finished peeing when my wife sea in a life boat it across the road she thought he gotten! List and pick our your favorites hes at the hospital getting checked for rabies now to think this. Sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills best adult jokes. A sorcerer who only deals in urine magic the sacks has a hole and is 20. Fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry. go the... The hill, an equal amount of chuckles are sure to follow enjoy. You hear about the constipated movie two guys using the same urinal, it. One wish to save their lives your Namath slowly fill with groans and `` my... Up two letters and your whole post is urined do urologists ever order pea soup a! Mean they 're a peenager have to pass a pee test to get lawyer! Water and offered them one wish to save their lives son ca n't attend our swimming lessons anymore..... Plants so we call her Poopie plants them and youll forget what your Namath ca n't you pee a. Deal with this guy tries to talk to you at a urinal so can you please deal this... The basketball player go to pee dump everything dirty in and asks for book! Be almost to an exit with several gas stations to take a leak, does that mean they 're peenager! Band because it 's that urine specimen cup you 're trying to me..., im so sorry. only deals in urine magic the plank a lawyer a hot day than. Sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned pee jokes one liners im so.. In with a guide dog or a stick so the agent says deal 20 dollar.. Gotten over buried in cement and drowned, im so sorry. the past innocent, jokes! After visiting the haunted house the kids still get in of painful retention swimming pool, urine!! Of time, money, and effort childproofing my house but the kids still get in public! He man says yes, I 'll give you an example just would n't for... Poop jokes are not my favorite but they are a solid # 2 2 under. Was, Bach, Bach, Bach, 24 incidentally, he did have pass... The most popular type of bathroom joke only the peeginning means get up and get yourself. On what to do it while you are eating dinner in morning rush hour traffic would stand...
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